Category: Josh Feingold Blog

So there I was puttering around Ireland, following the suggestions of my guidebook, and there before me stood a turn off.  Should I take it, or not, I wondered.  I was already lost in an area that they call the Burren, and if anything that road seemed to lead to nowhere.  I was ready to move on, having enjoyed the views of the area from pretty much every location.

Being of adventurous spirit, I decided to take the road.

Up, up, up it went.  Rocky with sharp protrusions, my car rattled up the hill, with stone walls as my guardians on each side ensuring that there was no way to turn around.  It started to rain, but I pushed on, even as my car had trouble climbing the hill.

When I got to the top, there was a gate.  The road ended, and let me out onto a field of green.  I hopped out of the car, and turned off the ignition, to walk and open the gate.  As I turned around, I was greeted with the view.  Not just a view.  The view.  It was amazing.  The elevation, gave me a perspective of the area, unmatched by anything else I had seen that day.

Which is when I realized a few truths.  One, that if there is a road, there is something at the end of the road.  People don’t just go to the effort to build a road, unless it accomplished some productive value.  Roads are no different.  So if you see a road, take it, you might be surprised what you find at the end.

More importantly, it really brought home the idea that only by turning off from our general path in life, can we experience the sublime.  It actually takes me back to the biblical story of Moses.  In the story of the burning bush, the bible tells us that Moses turned to see what the whole burning bush was about.  He had caught a glimpse of the bush, but only because he turned away, did he have his great revelation.

So too, life.

Those who just keep going down the path that life presents them, and don’t investigate the turn offs, end up losing out.  To really live, we have to proactively view those opportunities that present themselves, and approach them with a sense of curiosity.  In doing this, our lives become fuller, and we get the opportunity to experience fresh experiences daily.

 

I have been thinking about a few things lately, putting it up to my analytical mirror, ruminating over outcomes, and trying to plan the future.  Typical Josh.

I had breakfast with a friend this morning and was sharing this, and he suggested that I chill.  If I am honest, this is the advice that two other of my friends have given me recently to.  I’m starting to see a pattern.

So I arrived at the office, I asked myself, why is it that I can’t just chill.  We will define chill as basically living in the moment, and not constantly analyzing everything.  Why do I need to keep ruminating over things?

Now, in the past, I have shared that anxiety at times has been an issue for me, and how I have dealt with it.

However, in thinking today, I realized that there is another good way to rid yourself of anxiety.

Live in the moment.

Basically, fear is always, fear of the future.  So by living in the moment, there is no room for anxiety.  By taking this approach, you don’t even have to be secure that you can handle whatever comes, my general approach to anxiety, since in the moment, there is no future to worry about – and right now, well, you are handling things!

In fact, only with this realization have I truly come to appreciate why living in the moment is so emotionally freeing.  Of course, sometimes, living in the moment isn’t appropriate, as we know from people who ignore their responsibilities in life and don’t plan for the future, but in many cases, it may well be.

People throw about the idea of personal growth quite a bit, but it always has struck me as an odd statement.  They all say they are “pro growth” but when it comes to defining it, things get a little more foggy.

What is personal growth?  Most people would say it is becoming a better person.  But what exactly does that mean?  Does it mean that I am nicer to others? More capable to bravely face the world? Not addicted to cigarettes anymore?

I will give you my definition of personal growth. Shedding your old confinements, allowing for your own rebirth.

The best image that we can use for growth is a seed.*  Inside a seed is a tiny plant, surrounded by an outer shell.  Only by breaking down the outer shell, can the inner plant break out and create its life.  (Side note, we also see a similar idea in the image of the Phoenix.)

We too are held back by external restrictions.  For some of us it is fear.  Others of us self-image.  And others ego.  In fact, only we have the insight to figure out what it our individual restrictions actually are.

So the first step to self growth is to try to identify what exactly it is that holds us back in life.  Only then, can we put in place a game plan to completely break free from our self-imposed restricting binds.  Once that is done, a new younger, more healthy version of ourselves can emerge, free of its old fetters.

How can we tell if we are growing?  Look for change.  Change is the natural outcome from growth.  Since what is coming out of the growth process is fundamentally different that what went in.  There has been a rebirth, and with it, new differences.  If we don’t see any change in our actions – then we know we are stagnating and not growing.

However, it is important to realize that those fetters that hold us back serve some purpose for us emotionally.  Therefore, another sign that you are getting close to change, is that you are facing some fear.

Back to our image of the seed.  Imagine how fearful it must be when the little plant’s protective coating goes away, leaving it exposed to the whims of the world!  If we could only tell the little plant, don’t worry, only through raw exposure to the world can you thrive!

Of course, we like security, so we tend to steer clear of fear, resulting in little change and little personal growth.  However, let’s take to heart the message we gave the little plant…

Only through raw exposure to the world, will we thrive!

 

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*How do seeds work? What makes them germinate?

Seeds are tiny packets of carbohydrates, plus a tiny future plant. The first thing that all seeds need in order to germinate is water. When water and oxygen are taken up, the plant embryo can begin respiration and can digest the carbohydrate food source packaged with it and then can begin to grow.

Source: http://www.klru.org/ctg/question/How_do_seeds_work-_What_makes_them_germinate/

 

I was talking with a friend earlier today, who is an active volunteer with a non-profit organization whose mission I know well.  He was complaining to me that he puts in lots of time and energy, but when working with the paid professional representatives of the organization he feels marginalized and that at times he feels his time is wasted.

So I asked him why he didn’t do what I would do in that kind of situation.  Quit.

His response: Because I believe in their cause.

It took me a second before I really appreciated what he had said.  He was willing to put the cause before himself.  Wow.

Often we are involved with causes for the benefits to ourselves, such as inflated image by being part of a select group, ego stroking by people who know we donate or volunteer, being part of a exclusive social group, or other less that admirable qualities.

This volunteer however, was there because of the cause of the organization, and as such, wasn’t going to let the people of the organization get in his way of having his desired impact.

I took away a few things from this conversation.

(1) Separate the mission from the people.  This means that you don’t get involved because of the sales quality of their fundraisers, and you don’t stop being involved if the other professionals and volunteers drive you crazy.

(2) As an non-profit organization, the better you can sell your cause the better you can maintain the involvement of your volunteers – even if your organizational structure struggles, which they all do from time to time.

Look outside your window. What is out there?

Trees, cars, roads, streams, people.

I’m sure there are other things that you named, but I would doubt many of you thought to yourself, the one commonality of everyone reading the blog, and the biggest thing that is out there.

Air.

Why is this?  Well, the obvious answer is that we don’t think of air, since it is invisible.  However, I think it is more subtle than that.

The real reason is that air in (to our mind) unbounded – due to the fact that it is invisible, and therefore not an object that we think of.

Taking this idea to the next level, is the fact that we like to objectify our world.  It gives us a handle with which to manipulate our thoughts – and sits at a more basic level of understanding, before abstract thought.

Every object in our world becomes connected with it’s descriptive attributes in our mind, and thereby turned into a manipulative object – also known as a noun.  It is with these nouns that we explain our world and our place in it.

Therein lies the issue.

When we define something it, makes it black and white, and often the reality lies somewhere in the shade of gray.  Our mind doesn’t like gray, so we choose a side, and end up on one extreme or the other.

The problem is that since we really are existing somewhere on the continuem, the fact that we choose an extreme to explain our reality, doesn’t actually sit that well with us – and we feel off balance.

To find balance, we need to reject our object model, and instead find our balance point.  For without this skill, we can never find “emotional alignment.”