Category: Josh Feingold Blog

One core aspect of human nature is the drive for more.  This is a self-sustaining drive that keeps us prepared for the winter months, and keeps the world which is in a constant state of entropy moving in a positive direction.

However, since happiness is based on contentment, this drive, when it comes to material things, can prevent contentment as we get what we want, just to figure out that we want more.

As we all know, being happy with what you have, is the typical answer to this conundrum, however, I don’t think it goes far enough since while it is a helpful attitude, it doesn’t last due to the problem of our natural drive for more.

I would argue that when it comes to material things, once you have fulfilled your basic needs, due to this drive there really is no such thing as happiness – unless you can train yourself that you are whole and not missing anything in life – and that the feeling that you might be, is nothing more than a natural emotion.

This is a key point to keep in mind, since should you not realize this, you are doomed to a life of constant discontentment with what you have – or more specifically – don’t.

I was sitting alone tonight, wondering why I have such a strong desire not to be alone, and really came to the conclusion that we are wired to desire relationships for security purposes.

If you think about it, people are rather greedy by nature, however, many of us have an altruistic side, or perhaps even get pleasure out of giving.  If we are all in it for ourselves, how can that be?

Currently, it is my belief that we give to get.  And if we don’t get, we won’t give. It’s sad, but I have yet to find anyone who gives and doesn’t get back something in return.

Since we are talking about relationships, I’ll focus on that for now.  Specifically, we give to help bond people to us.  And why do we want people bonded to us?  For security.  We want a safety net, in the event that we fail to maintain ourselves (which there is good reason to believe will happen at some point in our life!).

This security bond begins when we are a baby, and our primary caregiver(s) provide us our needs.  It then is projected onto other people throughout our lives in our primary relationship.  Besides, this primary bond, we create secondary bonds with family and friends, all with the goal of providing a secure environment for ourselves in a quid pro quot relationship.

Of course, this is all very natural, which means that we don’t really think about the impact of the security bond, however, it bears thinking about as we walk through life alone so as to not fool ourselves into feelings of false security.

 

I was in an interesting conversation with someone a while back and we started having a discussion of is everyone equal.  I claimed that some people are more awesome than other people, and she argued, no we are all the same.  I never was able to clearly articulate my position, so I’m hoping that writing this will help me clarify my thoughts.

Google “World Gurning Championship,” and you will find a competitions in which contestants compete to pull the most hideous face through a horse-collar, by contorting their face.  The outcome of this championship provides us with the World (not so famous) Champion of Gurning.

So I ask you.  Who is more important, last years winner or Bill Gates, who has created a legacy program encouraging other ultra-rich people to pledge half of their fortunes to charitable causes, like a cure for diseases that kill people?

Who is a more amazing person?

If I had to vote, I would vote for Bill Gates.  But let me bring in another thought that we have discussed in the past, and that we all intrinsically know to be true.

Every person is equal.  There is no such thing as a person who is more of a person than another person.  We are all just…people.  Just like there is no better dog than another, they are all just different types of dogs.  I know that I am no better than anyone else, and hopefully you do to.

So which is it, we are all equal or some are more equal than others?

The basic answer is that there is a dichotomy between value from a societal perspective and an individual perspective.  From a societal perspective, some people are in fact more awesome, or of value than others.  However, as an individual we know that societal norms are actually arbitrary and defined by society, whereas individual values, are self-defined – and we may or may not agree with societies definition – and therefore no person is more awesome, or of value than any other.

Of course, societal norms are so ingrained, it is often hard for us not to be impacted, which we see manifested in the individual as situational anxiety, self-worth struggles, and choices surrounding friends and marriage compatibility.

However, perhaps by keeping in mind that we are all the same, and creating our own definition of awesomeness we can better keep all of this in mind as we work our way though life.

 

Yesterday, we discussed a 16 year old boy math whiz who solved a 350-year-old problem once posed by Sir Isaac Newton.

There is one other important take away from this story, which surrounds creativity of solutions.

When we are young, we are much more creative.  Look to the imaginary play of a child, and then watch how this play goes down, as they grow older.

I would attribute much of this fact, to the reality that as we grow older we start structuring our world in a more manageable way, due to our increased responsibilities, and this structure impedes creativity.  (Of course, I would guess there are some brain developmental processes that impact this as well.)

Part of this structure results in similar thinking, and assumptions of what can’t be.  This helps explain why a boy could figure out a solution that no one else had for hundreds of years.  It is because this boy wasn’t stifled in his creativity of how things worked, resulting in a new creative solution.

Taking this back to us, I think that the underlying creativity is never lost, just stifled, and that by pushing all of the stuffy thoughts of life, and other assumptions, out of the way, we can tap back into this mindset in a productive way.  All it takes is a little mindfulness.

 

 

“A boy math whiz has shocked the world by solving a 350-year-old problem once posed by the great mathematician, Sir Isaac Newton.  Sixteen-year-old Shouryya Ray, a boy of Indian origin attending school in Germany, cracked two particle dynamics theories.  Ray was told by professors during a school field trip to Dresden University that the problem could not be solved. That notion didn’t sit right with the Calcutta-born student.”

One of the most powerful motivators is a good challenge.  Tell someone that it can’t be done, and they will figure out a way to do it.

Unless they are old.

You see, as we age, we start to believe others when they say something can’t be done.  This is because, of course, that all the times that we didn’t listen to them in our youth, typically proved correct.  So eventually, we just start to believe what others tell us as truth.

However, when we are young, we are up for a challenge, and dive right in, and sometimes, we might even find a solution.

So here is the take away: If you hear a voice telling you that it can’t be done, so why even try, silence it.  It can be done, it just hasn’t been done, yet.