Category: Josh Feingold Blog

Yesterday’s post argued for living bravely.  I wrote it about two months ago.  It was what I was struggling with at the time, and if I am honest, still struggle with two months later.

To make a rather long story short, I found a breathing therapist and decided to give it a whirl.  (If you are curious, check out holotrophic breathing, or rebirth.)  I’ve been twice, and the jury is still out on the value, but I did learn something in my one-on-one session with the councilor, that is relevant to yesterdays post.

She asked me what my universal untruth was.  She explained that all of us have an untruth that we tell ourselves, such as I am stupid, or whatever untruth we somehow picked up when we were younger.

Thinking about it, I figured out that my untruth is “I am weak.”  What was amazing to me, was here I was, figuring out how to be brave and strong, and couragously face risk, when what I really needed to do was exorcise the idea of “I am weak” from my system.

The reason that this is called a universal untruth is that is impacts us in many areas of our lives, with its untruth.  So instead of working on being more brave, what I really needed to do was convince myself that I wasn’t weak.  Once I realized this, the issue of bravery, was much less needed, since I was naturally more strong.

So what lies do you tell yourself, that you don’t realize that you are saying?  Figure out your universal untruth, and work you way up from there!

 

If there is one particular skill that we need to learn as humans, I would argue that the most important to acquire, if happiness is our goal, is courage.

It is interesting, but you can find all types of books on taking risks, conquering fear, and self-confidence, but the key to all of these things is courage, or bravery and it is not mentioned, all that much.

The result is that you are focusing on taking risks, but not really knowing that the focus should be courageous living.  Of course, if you focus on taking risks, you’ll get there eventually, but if you lose the focus of the real main point, it is a lot harder to get to the end.

So, the point I would argue is that life takes courage.  I believe that the modern mantra needs to be “Bravely Life” and this is the message that we need to be constantly telling ourselves.  This way, when we face all of the risks that life bring our way, we can face them head-on, with the correct message of bravery, and move through them, instead of getting stuck knocking our head up against the wall, and getting nowhere.

So “Bravely Go Where No Man Has Gone Before,” and learn to bravely live your own life in this risky world we all walk upon.

I spent a lot of time these past few months thinking about what love is.  We use the word a lot, and the problem with using a word with an abstract meaning is that it is hard to clearly communicate our message, when we ourselves don’t know what we are communicating.

So, while on a retreat this past weekend, I opened up to a new definition of love, which I believe to be the best definition available.  Love is acceptance of other, coupled with commitment to other.

In a relationship, therefore love means acceptance of other, even though they aren’t perfect.  You accept them in their best and their worst, and are committed to sticking around.  That is the message we give when we say, I love you – as well as what feels so good when someone says they love us.

This is what we mean when we tell our children that we love them.  And what we want to hear from our lovers.

Now that we have defined love, we can also understand why acceptance of self is so important to love.  Since we can only express that which we have experienced, if someone doesn’t find and understand self-acceptance, how can they ever love truly another?  Of course, they can say they love someone else, but it is only as strong as their own love for themselves.

On the other side of things, the only thing that blocks us from love is out own fear of self-acceptance.  For once we achieve self-acceptance we are no longer fearful of true intimacy since if someone doesn’t like us, it is nothing personal.

So find self-acceptance, and find love.

Life is an amazing journey, which we only get to travel once.  What we do with our life is totally up to us, and the person who has the most to gain from a great life, is us.

We have a choice about how to live our life, full of positive energy or full of negative energy.

Positive energy propels us forward, makes us happy, and makes people want to be around us – especially positive people.

Negative energy bogs us down, depresses us, and brings people into our circle who like being negative.

So one of the goals we need to focus on is the banishment of negativity in our life.

Interestingly, studies have shown the physical act of laughing can improve peoples health, and in a similar way, I have little doubt that negativity can do the same thing.

So for the sake of both your mental, and perhaps physical self, banish negativity from your life, and enjoy the outcome!

I have learned that there are a few ways of talking that can impact the results of your conversation in a more positive way.  I thought I would share them here, and as I learn more, hopefully, update this post.

1) In relationships, talk about yourself, not the other person.  Meaning that instead of saying “You make me feel angry when x happens,” say, “I feel angry when x happens.”  This makes the person less defensive, and focuses the issue on you, which after all is where it really belongs.  Right?

2) Use “and” instead of “but”.  Instead of saying “I love you but really hate it when x happens,” say “I love you and really hate it when x happens.”  But negates the previous part of the sentence, whereas and is a continuation.  This subtle change can impact how your message is received as well.

So choose your words carefully, and see how it helps you to better get what you want in life.  After, all that is the goal of those conversations, isn’t it?