Category: Josh Feingold Blog

I’ve been reading a bit about Jungian psychology lately, and while I certainly don’t agree with where he takes things on the religious side of things, I think he is spot on about the unconscious.

One thing that he explains is that in each of us lies unfulfilled aspects of our self that are crying out to be fulfilled, but due to social reasons, they are squelched.  While some people are too inhibited to act on their internal needs – or perhaps don’t even know what they are – one way that some of the books recommended to feel fulfilled is using your imagination in those areas where you want to have some type of actual experience.  Apparently, the mind can find this just as fulfilling as actual action.

I realized that, in truth, this is why TV is so addictive.

Watching TV allows us to escape to those areas of our own unfulfilled life.  Meaning that as we drop our boundaries as we watch TV, and project ourselves on the characters, we actually get to vicariously live the life of those people on TV.  We get to leave our boring, dull life for a little while, and become a hero, or sexy, or have some drama in our life (don’t we have enough already?).   We get our fix, then we can move on with our own regular lives.

Problem is that, as you know, TV is never really fulfilling.  It just leaves you wanting more.  However, one thing that I realized is that by looking at what you like to watch, you can figure out those areas of your life that are unfulfilled, and then turn it around, and figure out how to better be fulfilled through actual LIFE EXPERIENCES!  Pretty cool, huh.

It’s funny, but when I moved in to my house recently, I decided not to buy a TV.   Now, I used to have a 65″ flat screen, and a 120″ projector in my basement.  So I was very much a TV guy.  It was kind of my hobby, you might say.

It’s been about four months now, and honestly, with the exception of missing a little football, I haven’t missed it all that much.  Of course, I might buy one tomorrow, but then it would just be to figure out where in my life I am craving action. 🙂

 

Ever wonder why sometimes it seems like the bullies don’t really make it anywhere, but the bullied, end up running big companies?  (Think McFly/Duff from Back to the Future.)

I was thinking about that tonight and realized that there is a fundamental difference between the thought process of the bully and the bullied.

You see, the bully is focusing on what he is not, therefore he bullies to make himself feel good about himself.  However, the bullied, often times is focusing on what he is – and then in life is making sure that he is keeping up with himself – i.e. succeeding!

So what is your focus? What you are not, or what you are.

If you focus on what you are not, you’ll never really end up being anything, so change the focus, and become what you are destined to be!

The general perspective her in the US is that everyone has a right to do what they want as long as they don’t impede on your personal rights.

Culturally, or at least growing up in a liberal environment, I seemed to have been taught to take it one step beyond and assume that we also have to accept their rights to free choice and be involved in their life – even if we disagree with them.

However, in truth, this is a falsity. In fact, I would argue that we have a fundamental responsibility to ourselves, and perhaps to the other party, to tell them when we are not interested in being involved with them for whatever reason, we might choose.

Now, this is not to say, we should do this willy-nilly, since how many of us have enough friends, that we can chance losing possible friends.  Every friend is precious.

However, we also can’t pretend that we sanction the actions of those people that we fundamentally disagree with.  To just “smile and wave” would not be morally responsible and further, isn’t true to ourselves.

I realized that I had a few people in my life, that for whatever reason, I don’t want to associate with.  They are good people.  But for whatever reason, I don’t think it is a healthy relationship for me to be involved with them due to certain actions that they have taken – or not taken.   I’m sure you have them in your life too.

In the past, I would have just “smiled and waved” but this time I decided I would take a stand, and suggested that we not continue our relationship.

Interestingly, in doing so, I realized that it make the rest of my friendships that much meaningful, since I am not just friends with anyone and everyone, rather, it is a choice, and one that I don’t take lightly.  So those friends that I do have, are people that I respect, and admire.

So think about your associates, and ask yourself if you still choose to be with them or not.  Then, if needed, take action accordingly.

I wish I could give you all the details on this story, but alas, the names must be changed to protect the innocent.  It’s the right thing to do.

I had an opportunity to really see someone’s ego these past months and it was an eye opening experience.  To make a long story short, I had to work with a lawyer that I quickly found I had little respect for.  Don’t get me wrong, I love lawyers, and would consider going into law someday, but this particular lawyer was clearly in it for himself (read hourly billings), but was representing that he was looking out for “other concerned parties.”

I had to show him for who he was, and the only way I knew to do that was to push his buttons.  I was in a power play, and I simply had no choice. So what buttons should I push?

Well, I read somewhere that one of the most telling things about someone is what they CHOOSE to do for a living.  And if you think about it you’ll see it is true.  So this person chose a profession where he got to sit in a really nice office (really nice!) and use his brain to try and manipulate things in his clients favor.

What better way to egg him on than to attack his proficiency as a lawyer.  And his ethics. That was a mistake.   You see, I hit his ego.  Of course, that was what I was aiming for, but I had no idea the response I would get.  You see, he hit back.  Hard.  Where it hurt.  My ego.

So there we were, gloves off, egos raging.  Insults being silently tossed across the floor.

Now I have to say, my strategy worked, he showed his true colors, in the end, and I was vindicated.

However, what about me?  What was the impact on me?  I ended up in an ego war, and ended up feeling bruised.  From a guy I didn’t respect in the first place!

Well, I guess the lesson for me is that I am a sensitive guy, with a sensitive ego.  Of course, I always knew that.  But honestly, I’ve never been in an ego fight before.  I’ve always protected it oh so carefully.

So here is the lesson, because we both need to learn it, apparently.  When someone attacks our ego, we need to be able to say “**** off.  You are a fool if you think so poorly of me.  So why should I listen to the words of a fool?” If we can’t say this, then we have some work to do controlling our ego, since really in this world, we need to be able to stand alone – when we so choose to.

P.S. It’s funny but my perspective on “sticks and stones… but words will never harm me” has only now changed from one of, “that’s a falsity, of course they will” to “another person’s words only have power to hurt us if we let them have power”.

When you say “I love you” what do you mean, exactly?  Hopefully you don’t mean, “I need you in my life.”

Think about why you say “I love you” to your family and friends.  You might be surprised.

The issue with love being an object of need, is that typically, you are going to be outsourcing roles that really you should be performing for yourself.  Security.  Lonesomeness.  etc.  If you lose your object of love, or if they forsake you, then where are you?  And since all things that we need emotionally, are available as internal resources, it is better to take the time to internalize these functions than outsource them to others.

So look at your relationships and see what kind of love you have.  I’ll give you my definition of what love actually is in late March.