Category: Josh Feingold Blog

I spent some time in the National Gallery of Art when I was in DC and had an opportunity to see quite a collection of art from well known painters that even I have heard of (which means they are really well known).

What was interesting to me is that many of the paintings were not as nice as the paintings I have purchased for myself at thrift stores, Goodwill, and consignment shops around Atlanta, for MUCH less money.

And that when I realized, that some things just are.

In the case of art, some things just are beautiful.  You can’t really say that a Picasso is more beautiful than a Monet.  They are both beautiful, in their own way.  And honestly, I’ll argue that the portrait of the Sea Captain in my den that I bought for a few hundred dollars  at a flea market or the Princess that I bought at the consignment shop for a hundred dollars or the Still Life that I purchased for less than twenty dollars or the pastel that my mom painted and gave me as a gift are all just as pretty as the Picasso or Monet.  They are all just beautiful paintings and you can appreciate them each for what they are.

Then of course, the interesting thing was that there were a number of things in the collection that I found ugly – to be frank, and wouldn’t want hanging on my walls.  But does that really make it less of a painting?  After all, beauty, as we know is in the eye of the beholder.

So too with people, people at their core are just people.  They have all kinds of attributes, some we love, some we hate, but no one person is really more of a person than the next are they?  Now of course from a societal perspective, we give more value to some people than to others, but that is just an arbitrary societal judgement, and how much credence would you want to give society to judge you? Exactly.  So in truth, people also are another example of something that just is.  No one is more or less of a person – some we just like more than others.

Of course, this is what I have been taught is the key message to solid self esteem.  So I share it with you and hope you can understand the message contained within.

I used to think I was a smart shopper, until I realized I was wrong.

The used furniture and decor market is so amazing, there really is no excuse to buy new furniture unless you are so full of cash you can’t figure out how to spend it all.  (In which case, I have a blog for sale.  Let’s talk.)

Check out estate sales, where you can buy matched rooms at a steal.  Practice negotiating, which is such a great skill on so many levels, and spend some time in consignment stores and thrift shops.   Keep in mind that you might want to go to those parts of town where the rich folk live, so if that’s not where you are, go for a drive.

The quality you will buy at all of these places is better than you’ll get in a normal store and you will typically pay 10-20% of its original value – if that.  It is simply the only way to shop for furniture and decorations in my mind.  Save your money for other things – learn to shop smart.

When you look in the mirror, you see a handsome person (or someone that needs to brush their hair), but typically don’t see someone smart.

When you find why your bank statement was off by three cents you see yourself as smart, but probably not all that kind.

When you walk an old lady (or man) across the street you view yourself as kind, but probably don’t think about how good you looked in your new suit.

It’s funny but for some reason, we don’t view ourselves in our entirety.

The problem with this is that when it comes to self-esteem we end up comparing aspects of ourselves with other people, and often as we all know, we come up short.  However, as you also, know, judging yourself on one aspect of yourself, isn’t a fair perspective of who you are.  You are a whole person, with positives and negatives, and overall a good person and you know it – you might just wish everyone else did too.

So let me introduce you to the “whole person concept” which says you have to view yourself as a whole person when you compare yourself to someone else.  Of course, since you know that you don’t really know anyone else, it’s impossible to compare yourself to anyone, since each of us are unique individuals with different strengths and weaknesses all working together to further civilization.

If you can grasp this concept, you can in fact change your self esteem with one sweep of your hand.  It’s that easy.  Just view yourself in your entirety at all times and you will never again see yourself as any less than anyone else in the world!

Ah, experts.

Put a degree on your wall, and let me bow down in homage to you.

Here is the problem.  When we go to experts, we stop thinking for ourselves.  I call it the trusted adviser problem.

We delegate important decisions to people outside of ourselves, when in truth, we remain the best person to make the final decision.

For example, you go to the doctor and they tell you you have a disease and need surgery.  Do you listen to the expert and follow them, or do you go for a second or even third opinion, then figure out your own course of action.

You go to a lawyer for advice, and they give you some convoluted plan.  Do you just run with it, or do you make them explain it in layman’s terms, or perhaps even get a second opinion?  Do you push back on the “expert” or just let them run up billable hours?  Exactly.

So the main point is to remember, that when you go to an “expert” look at them as an adviser, and hopefully, one of many to help you make the best decision possible.  However, NEVER outsource the entire decision to them.  You have more information that anyone else and can best decide the most appropriate course of action for YOU.

P.S.  My dad always advised me to review the work of experts since you’ll always find mistakes in their work.  I’ve found that he’s typically right.

Want to know more about someone’s core personality without asking them?  Check out their friends.

Are they comfortable hanging out with smart people and having intelligent conversation?  Then they probably think they are pretty smart themselves.

Do they enjoy hanging out with people that look never grew up and have no self respect?  Well, what does that tell you about them?

Get the idea?  We like to hang out with people that we are not personally threatened by – unless we are narcissistic.   So I guess you have to first figure that out before you apply this litmus test, huh.  Look, this isn’t a 100% rule, but I do think it implies in general.  Just look at your own peer group and reverse engineer.

Similarly, notice that your friends are your advisers in life, and therefore, select them wisely since they will have the biggest influence in your life’s outcome.

That’s also why the wise man (or woman) knows that if they want to succeed they will surround themselves with people who are wiser than themselves.

Of course, this is difficult unless you are very comfortable admitting to yourself that you are not all knowing.  However, once you can come to grips with the fact that you are better knowing your strengths and weaknesses fully in order that you can bring people into your life to help augment yourself (where you are weak) – or help feel engaged in the world through service (where you are strong) – you can expand yourself beyond your own boundaries and become a super-person by expanding beyond yourself and connecting with other people.

But until you get to that point, just remember that you are only as smart as your friends.