Category: Josh Feingold Blog

I have a new mantra.  “Enjoy the moment.”

Since all I really have is the moment, and I am comfortable that my basic needs will be cared for in life, nothing else really matters – except for the moment.

And in that moment, happyiness must reign supreme.  Gratefulness that I am on the right side of the grass, as my barber put it so sucinctly the other day.

All there is to ask myself in any moment if I am happy.  Am I enjoying doing whatever the heck I am doing?  Am I enjoying conversing with the person who is across from me?

Lately, when the answer is no, I close my eyes, and meditate.  I’ve done this on the road with kids fighting in the back.  (My eyes were open.) I’ve done this in a waiting room after I arrived an hour early due to a miscommuniation about my appointment time.  And I have done this as I sat on mute on a rather boring conference call.

The meditation really accomplish that much per se, but it does allow me to escape from my surroundings, and bring me back to all I really have, which is consciousness of myself, and the appreciation that I have for said conscioiusness.

My friend emailed me the other day after one of my teachable moment posts and reminded me of an important point: not every teachable moment should be taught.

The point is that kids kids need a balance.

While as parents, we are charged with helping them learn the ropes in life, an equally important goal for us is to provide our children with a safe environment.  Part of which is the feeling that when they tell us something, we listen, carefully.  That we repect what they have to say.  That we hear and understand them.  That we accept them.  That they are loved for being who they are as they are.

When we teach really things are about us, whereas when we listen, things are about them.  And they realize this to.

So ultimately, it is a balance.  But isn’t most everything in life?

I have a big ego.  I think I am pretty great.  Have done some pretty amazing things.

This, I owe to my parents.

They taught me that I am great, and do pretty amazing things.

All in all, that isn’t so bad, other than the fact that with these feelings of granduer, I also carry feelings of inferiority.

Of not being as good as others.  Of just being average.

I discussed this in the past on my series about self-esteem, and have come to realize that I was close, but a year and a half later now realize that I didn’t really get all the way to the bottom of things.

You see, so long as you compare yourself to others, even if to compare yourself in a positive light, it leaves open the responsiblity (if you are honest with yourself) to compare yourself in a negative light.

So, to say, I am therefore I rock, which was my earlier conclusion, allows that little subconscious trigger to step in and ask “Josh, are you sure you rock? What about x, y, and z?”

We also discussed the whole person model, which while it helps if you choose to compare, well, you are still comparing, wherein the danger lies.

A more healthy approach is simply to view yourself as being.  Simply as “I am.”  After all, that is really all that any of us are.  Just existing.  And as we have discussed comparing humans is about as helpful as comparing chimpanzees.

By approaching ourselves with this feeling of “I am,” there is no room for comparison – both to the positive or the negative.  Which besides for being true, is a better way to live too.

So the goal, is for me to remember that “I am.”  Any modifier, and, in truth I am lying to myself.

 

At dinner tonight with my kids, my youngest said “I can’t wait to grow up so I can be a teacher.”

So I pointed out there were really two things wrong with that perspective.

Number one, I said, you can be a teacher at any age.  Sure they might not pay you, but there is little that you want to do, but you can’t do; at any age.  Any contraint that you think there is, well, is a creation of our own imagination.

However, the main thing that I mentioned was that I asked, Why are you looking forward to when you grow up?  Why not focus on your great now.  After all, I would love to be a kid and not have to work!”

Of course, we all do this.  We focus on what we don’t have instead of what we do.

The interesting thing to me was to realize how early on we take on the perspective of wanting to be who we are not.  I take it for granted in adults, who are always looking at the car next door or their friends nice house, but I was never cognizant of how early this affliction sets in.

As a child.  A small child.

And of course, it is probably an adult (in my case 50% chance me!) that taught them to focus on what they don’t have and who they are not, instead of the more healthy focus of what they have and who they are.

So, of course, I took the opportunity to teach my children well, and said how most of humanity is just crazy, and focusing on the wrong thing.  I reminded them to appreciate just being who they are and where they are in life – no matter where that might be. And they all agreed.

Who knows, maybe it will stick.  I hope it does.   For me, too.

Putting a brief business twist on the blog from Friday, often times things in a business environment just don’t seem to work.  Fingers point across the desk from one employee to the next.  Fix one thing, and the issue spouts out somewhere else.  The work environment is broken.

I have seen this replay itself time and time again, both in the corporate and non-profit world.

Sometimes the core issue is a process.

Luckily processes are easy to troubleshoot, since you can see them, and put metrics in place to find their issues.  Think Six Sigma or some other QA process.

However, more often than not, the issue is a central person, who pretty much is incompetent, but sits at a crosspoint in the organization.  As a business consultant, the question is who, since you don’t want to willy nilly uproot (fire) employees.

Ultimately, however, by honing in on the incompetency, often someone rises to the top, and changes can be made to the organization to improve the situation.