Category: Josh Feingold Blog

When we fight with someone else, there are often three issues at play.

The first, whatever the fight is about.

The second, what the fight is really about.

The third, what the fight is REALLY about.

The problem is that typically, when we fight we might resolve the first or perhaps even the second issue, but the third issue, the core issue, underlying eveything else, is left intact, with no real resolution ever reached.  This, of course, ensures that the fight will come back at a later date, just under a different guise.

Of course, this is really no different than when we want to fix issues within ourself.   We might fix a few external issues, but as long as the core is rotten, things continue to rot and fester and the issue just pops up somewhere else.

So, if there are things that are acramonius in any of your relationships (used broadly), if you want to fix them, you have to figure out what the core issue really is.

While, I mentioned this idea a while back regarding marriage issues, I think it applies to pretty much all relationships.

Here is a practical example of where I have seen this fact lately, in a most unlikely place.

Interestingly, I found out that for me, and I am guessing for many divorcees, the core issue with our ex, is a lack of trust.   It makes sense that after an emotional divorce process, where both parties are looking out for their own best interests (and perhaps the kids, but honestly, I have yet to see anyone really look out for the kids best interest, unfortuantely), the two parties leave the table with a lack of trust for each other.   Plus, in many cases, trust during marriage might not have been all that great to begin with!

The issue for divorced parties then is how can two parties that don’t trust each other ever hope to work courtiously together?  Issues pop up and are put to bed.  But the underlying issue, the lack of trust, remains.  Obviously, both parties could remain in their non-trusting relationship, and putting out fights as they occur, but I submit that in most cases if they want to fix the real issue, the core issue, they must tackle the problem of trust.

Once they do that, everything else will fall into place.

 

Either my mom, my uncle, or my grandma, taught me the most important lesson in sales.

Go straight to the top.

This seems to work well for a number of reasons.

Number 1: Less people are trying to sell to top level managers, so they are a little more inclined to listen.  Note that I said a little.

Number 2: They are the decision makers.  Once you get a yes, it trickles down.  Get a yes at middle management, and you still have to convince those guys in the penthouse.

Number 3: Upper managers are often more chill.  Middle managers are still trying to fight their way up the ladder and are focused on their career growth, whereas upper management is a little more focused on the company success.  Again, I said a little.

 

 

My cable was running slow.  Real slow.  Surprisingly slow.

So I called Comcast, and asked them to fix it.  A tech came out (nice guy, tangentially), said everything was okay from what he could see, but that they would check at the street over the weekend, and see if something was wrong out there.

Weekend came and went.  Internet was still slow.

So I called customer support.  Spent about 30 minutes on the phone with them, and they said they would send a tech out.

OK, nothing new here.  We have all been in this situation.  In fact, in most cases, the tech would have come out, and I would have spent another few rounds going back and forth with someone, and pretty much wasting my time to get a resolution.

So I decided, let’s take a different approach, and shot off an email to the CEO of Comcast, and a few other people that seemed to be responsible internally for things.

Later that day, I got a phone call.  And action.  And another phone call to make sure things were going well.  And more action.

Next thing I knew issue was solved.

There’s not much new here, except that once you have spent an hour doing something that someone else should have taken responsibility for in the first place, just escalate.  But not a small escalation.  Go straight to the top.  And watch the action come on down.

(Side note, Comcast gets a bad rep for customer service, but their techs couldn’t be nicer.)

Please ignore yesterdays post on consciousness.  It doesn’t really fly as a friend pointed out.  Take away half of the brain, or cut the connection between the brain and consciousness pushes forward (probably, I’ve never researched).

Just to define what I mean by consciousness; meta cognition.  The realization that we know we exist.

Better guess, is that meta cognition is just part of the evolutionary development of the brain.  But I don’t know enough about the brain to figure out which parts are older and which parts are newer.

Cheers.

I think I finally figured out what creates human consciousness.

Consciousness is simply the ability for each half of our brain (which is pretty much a self-sufficient mini-brain) to recognize the other half.  It is in this recognition that consciousness is created.

It is the natural evolution of the brain, as well.