What is clear to me, is that we are alone in this world. We are born alone and we die alone. But we don’t have to be alone.
Marriage provides an opportunity to have a brief respite from our aloneness, however, we must recognize that the will be in the control of the other party and not us to some extent. Our lover can choose to leave us, or can be hit by a car and leave us against our will at any time, and then we will be alone again.
Of course, when we are married, we like to pretend that we are not alone by projecting ourselves unto our loved one, but in fact, we really are. We can wrap secure social constructs around things to protect our marriage unity, and they will certainly help prevent divorce, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are alone. And in fact, we all know that just because someone has a spouse that lives with them, doesn’t mean they don’t feel alone.
So what makes someone not alone in a relationship? The choice of their partner to choose them and stick around. Ironically, the less pressure there is on the relationship for someone to stick around, the more connected the two parties really are, since if they are staying together, it is by choice, rather than social/family pressure, economic pressure, laziness, or fear.
What we learn is one of the cruel ironies of life. That the only way to not be alone is for someone else to choose us, which is not in our control.
What are some lessons we can learn? First of all, don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. Don’t just have one or two close relationships. Have friends, hold some more close than others, but most of all keep your relationships broad and strong with friends and family.
However, or more importance is that while being alone is a fact, the FEELING of aloneness is made by your mind. For example, someone can feel that they are not alone, since they are married, but if their spouse leaves, what does it show? That they really were alone, they just didn’t know it yet. So the feeling of aloneness is man made – and therefore in YOUR control.
So how do you change the feeling, by telling yourself that being alone is okay. Yup folks, you can be alone, and be just fine. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that? What are you saying, that you can’t make it one your own? Who told you that? You’ve made it through life so far, haven’t you?
One you tell yourself that being alone is okay, then you won’t feel so alone anymore, since the pressure will be off. Plus, in telling yourself this message you will find you have yourself, which is all you ever had anyway.