Let’s face it, humans like rules.  They make us feel good.  We also hate rules.  They make us want to rebel.

However, many of us follow rules without questioning why we do it, which really isn’t a good thing.

Rules are good in that they protect us from hurting ourselves.  However, when the rules become an end unto themselves, they become an encumbrance that we really need to think about and assess if we really need to be following them in the first place.

The only way to get there, is to first realize that we are following rules and are working in a rule based system.  The best way to do this is to do something wrong.

For those of you, like me, that pretty much follow rules, this will be very uncomfortable.  Now, I really am not suggesting you do something big like [fill in the blank], rather do something small.  If you typically won’t speed more than [fill in the blank] miles over the limit, then try driving [fill in the blank + 10].  If you typically put your shopping cart where it belongs, leave it right in the middle of the parking lot, but try not to hit my car, please.

You get the idea.

My point is, by breaking rules, we come to recognize their place in our lives, and only then can we decide their appropriateness and how we want to use them or not use them to help us achieve our goals for success.

P.S. If you are already someone who is throwing rules to the wind, you probably aren’t reading my blog on a daily basis, but if you are, and you read this post, think about cutting down on your rule breaking habit. 🙂

We all do things for the sake of reward.  Hold the door for a stranger, to feel good about ourselves.  Let someone pass in front of your car, to get a smile in return.  You get the idea.

However, how many things do you do for the sake of absolutely no recognition whatsoever?  Probably not many.

When you really think about it though, these are the opportunities where we really get to show our true colors.  Are we a giver or a taker?  As you know, I argue that the happier path through life is as a giver, which I talked about yesterday, and this type of action, really reinforces your position as a giver.

So, find an opportunity to do something nice that no one will ever know about.  It can be as simple as picking up trash when no one can see you.  Make a totally anonymous donation.  Put a shopping cart away the right way.  It will be your little secret, and you can help reinforce the fact that you are a giver in this world.

P.S. Of course, the nihilist would say that when we do good things without recognition we are still getting an internal reward, but I’ll argue if that was the case, you would be doing these kinds of things constantly, and if you already are, you need to really think about stopping.

People are somewhere on the spectrum of givers to takers.  This post will refer to people in the middle of the spectrum, since those outliers on the extreme are unhealthy in both directions.

Personally, I advocate that the healthier approach to the world is being a giver. The reason for this is that a taker is dependent upon other people.

Now, as we know, we are all dependent upon other people, that is just how the world is.  You do things I can’t do, and I do things you can’t do.  We just are all in this world together, and none of us can do it ourselves.  That’s how the world works.

However, a taker, has a NEED for other people to give to them to make their way through life.  If people don’t give them their needs, they can’t survive.  So they are intrinsically dependent on others.  With self-sufficiency being the goal of the individual as much as possible (my assumption), this is an unhealthy state for a person to be in.

On the other hand, a giver on the opposite, but similar place on the spectrum might have the same need, but isn’t really dependent on another person since if they can’t give, well they can’t give, too bad.

Put another way, when the taker is missing taking they have a hole that needs to be filled, but when the giver is missing giving, there is no hole really missing, if that makes sense.

So learn how to be a giver, and in doing so you will make yourself happier in life.

…or your father, or your sister, or brother, or uncle, or aunt, or grandmother, or grandfather.  But call.

Our family provide some of the closest relationships we will ever have, and like all things of this world if they aren’t nurtured, they atrophy.  In our modern, dispersed world, it takes extra effort to keep these long distance relationships working so make sure you take the efforts to keep them running…  and call.

As an exercise (really, to add spice to life) I’ve been meeting totally random people recently, and engaging them in conversation.

I want to relate a recent incident from a recent trip, since it is rather interesting and relevant to Friday’s post.

I was in Washington for business travel and decided to make a long weekend out of things, and was told that Adams Morgan was the place to be for live music.  So, a lover of music, where was I to go, but Adams Morgan.

Long story short, I end up in a coffee bar, and start up a conversation with the girl sitting next to me on the couch who was journaling – something I have been spending an inordinate amount of time on lately (500+ pages over the past two months, but pace is slowing down rapidly).

We start talking about meaning in life, and a blog post I wrote the night before, which is scheduled to come out some time in December, and she says to me, “the problem is that there is nothing unique or original for me anymore, it all just fits into some type of box of something I have experienced already.”   So I shared with her my feelings on the matter – which put her mind at ease, shared some stories about our struggles in life for an hour or so, and we parted ways into the ether of the world.

Later that evening, I went to my room and decided to blog a little and to my surprise I found that the post for the day was that post that spoke directly to her core issue.  Well, that made me stop and think.  Is life really coincidental and random?  Or, was I sent by some force to DC, to Adams Morgan, to that coffee shop, to that couch, just so I could share my feelings on things – and hear her ideas on other topics of interest?

But wait, there’s more.

I was sitting, writing at the Smithsonian Sculpture Garden, when that girl from Adams Morgan, walks by me.  Well, it turns out, it wasn’t her (I stopped and asked), but I’m telling you it sure looked like her, and I was freaked out.  I might not remember names, due to not paying attention to people when I first meet them rather my own impression that I giving over at the beginning of conversations (I know, no need, be yourself, working on it), but I do remember faces.  So again, I ask, coincidence or divine?

I’ll share another related story.  A few months ago after dealing with some personal issues, I needed some advice, so I reached out to a friend of a friend who was recommended to me and might be able to help me sort through some things.  At the time, I thought I was going to her for advice, but as it turns out, I had some spot on advice that she needed, and she told me that she felt our meeting, to put it in her more spiritual terms, was divine.  So is she correct?

Well, as much as I would like to believe in the divine, and will come back to this topic I am sure since it is such a central thing I have contemplated for many years, and have a few thoughts on, I just can’t attribute these events to divine intervention.  Here’s why.

Basically, we have millions of interactions with other people in our life – hundred on a daily basis – and every once in a while, that interaction is spot on to a core issue for us.  And when that happens, we really notice it.   That order, which we notice, seems to be divine, since we typically attribute order to God as the person putting order to the world (if that is the side of the argument you are taking).  What we don’t realize are all of the non-events that happen in our life.  They happen, but we just don’t pay attention to them, so they disappear and our mind doesn’t take note since they are non-events.   However, all the cool events, those that provide order, those amazing coincidences, really stand out people see them as divine, when in truth they are just coincidences that happen from time to time.

P.S.  I was journaling earlier today, and wanted to followup on Friday’s post a little.  I realized that as much as our lives are unique, what can make them even more unique  is when we bring in another random feature into it – another person.  So if we are looking for unique experiences, go meet random people and learn their stories – or tell them yours.   As I mentioned, I’ve done it three times so far, and it has been very enriched my life immensely.